Open Letter

Open letter to the Guy I Let Break My Heart 

“For the longest I believed that you would be the one that I would one day spend the rest of my life with but oh how things changed. I remember when things first began to seem different. You were no longer that person I had known for so many years. After a while I began to think that maybe it was all an act and that the person I perceived you as, was never the real you to begin with. I had no business falling for you... I had no business loving you. Maybe it was your charm that drew me to you. 

I remember when things began to unfold, and I began finding out what was really going on. I remember when you finally came clean (somewhat) and told me that you were actually in love with two people. Never have I ever thought it would be possible for anyone to be in love with two people, until you. It took me awhile to process that thought, but because I did not want to lose you, I decided that my plan will be to win you over by any means. Looking back on it all, I did some pretty foolish things... I did things I never should have... I did things that I now regret but you live and you learn. I should have left as soon as I began noticing those changes but no... Just like every female who stayed for the sake of love, I stayed because I loved you. 

I already had your love, but it was as if I was still competing to have you... all of you that is. Things blew up so many times, and looking back on it now... I really say to myself, “it’s crazy how I did not leave.” Something that is even crazier though is you telling me countless times that you couldn't live with out me.

As for her, I know you love her... but you loved me too. You put the two of us... actually, the two of us allowed you to put us through the same nonsense for years. The difference between her and I though is that I am stronger than she is... probably stronger than she would ever be. I am also smarter than she is, and aside from everything else that is why you always needed me around. It is also that same strength and intelligence that tore us a part because after a while you couldn't handle it... or me.

I came to know her so well without even knowing her at all. She did not have it in her to let you go even after all the heartbreak, false promises, mistakes, and wrong doings... but I did. She’s blinded by love, I know she is because once upon a time I was blinded by the love I had for you too. However, I came to realize that sometimes love is simply just not enough.

Right now she’s probably either coming to realize some of the things I came to realize before I let you go, or she is probably thinking that she won you over but to be completely honest, I let her have you and all that you come with the day I decided to walk away.

Now, I have the upper hand because not only did you need me more than I would have ever needed you, I was always able to live without you, I just needed to dig deep and convince myself of that. I have been living without you and if I may add, I am so much happier. One of the greatest things I have been blessed with was the strength to get rid of toxic people like you in my life.

It is so much easier for a person to go back to something they've already become familiarized with. It would have been so easy for me to come running back to you, and you would have welcomed me back in with open arms. Instead, I chose a different route and decided to let her “win”. I no longer want that in my life, and I damn sure do not need that in my life.

I want to conclude by saying thank you. Thank you for helping me  realize my strength physically, mentally, and emotionally. Thank you for being everything I do not want my future husband and my future son to be. Thank you for showing me love, although that still was not enough. Thank you for breaking my heart because you have made me available for the guy who will love and treat me right.”